does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
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