cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
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