Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
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