and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
Randomize
