**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
Plan B is the new Plan A
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
Randomize
