she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
Randomize
