when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
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