i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
Randomize
