I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
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