just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
what's Bukake?
a bad idea.
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
Randomize
