I am puke
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
Randomize
