I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
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