he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
If that guy asks u bout me, I said my name is Jenelle, from CT, I'm a cat behiavor consultant and I'm 29. Back my story up
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
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