Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
Randomize
