At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize
