I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
This can only be settled by a dance off.
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
Randomize
