i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
Randomize
