ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
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