I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Randomize
