His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
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