dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
