I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
I'm like, not good at living.
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
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