You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
Randomize
