I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
Randomize
