It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
