I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
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