would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
I just blew my weed a kiss
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
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