I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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