is wine microwaveable?
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
Randomize
