I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
Randomize
