how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
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