Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
Randomize
