I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
Randomize
