i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
do nipples grow back?
Randomize
