Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
