I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
you would pick up someone in the library
Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
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