1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Randomize
