Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
What drink are we having for lunch?
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
Randomize
