you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
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