Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
Randomize
