Just mADE A PArabola og urine
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize
