Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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