what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
Can't talk, ducks in the car
Randomize
