if you like me you must not know who I am
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
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