Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
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