I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
Randomize
