He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
Randomize
