I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Randomize
