Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
Sober January is a disaster.
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
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