I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
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