he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
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